Beating Holiday Depression

It is that joyous time of year again when chestnuts are roasting on an open fire, when couples are skating the day away at Rockefeller center under the Christmas tree as carolers sing Christmas songs on ever corner. There is that brisk chill in the air that proves jack frost is on the move alerting us that Christmas day is fast approaching. Children are making their lists for Santa as their parents struggle to find just the right tree as well as presents to place under it. The bars are packed with corporate Christmas parties and revelers attempting to get into the spirit. So why is it that this is also the time of year when hospitals report their highest incidences of suicides and mental experts report increases in patients suffering from depression? How can this be at at a time which we are told should be the happiest time of the year?

Do you find yourself feeling irritable? Are you snapping at others without valid reason? Do you feel disconnected with the world? Are you withdrawing from those around you? If you answered yes then you can be suffering from a mild case of the very common Christmas blues or otherwise known as holiday depression.

I spoke to a number of my friends about this very real ailment and tested their Christmas joy on the happiness meter scale this year. One friend told me that she hated Christmas time because of the huge unrealistic expectations placed on this one holiday. She said, "It is pretty much forced fed to us that we must be happy happy at Christmas or something is fundamentally wrong with us. Then we start to excessively self reflect about the reasons as to why we cannot live up to this level of joy. That is when we become depressed about what we feel are great personal losses and failures. Then suddenly everything wrong with our lives is amplified to an absurd but sometimes painful degree."

I personally know this to be true for myself. My own single hood seems to become so much more of an issue during Christmas than any other part of the year. Suddenly I realize that I have no one special to exchange presents with or to kiss under the mistletoe or share those special moments you will remember forever.

I ran into my landlord who is 90 years old and inquired on how his Christmas season was going and he said in an angry tone, "Oh it is all hogwash. It is all about commercialism now, nothing else. Bah humbug." I would have thought that he was just being a regular scrooge but I suspected that there were other reasons for his apparent anger. I later spoke to his caretaker who confided, "he hates it because it makes him think of his deceased wife of 30 years and their life together. It makes him dwell on just how much he misses her. He dreads to spend that day alone but he know he will. He will most likely spend Christmas day drinking brandy and falling asleep watching television with a picture of his wife clutched in his arms dreaming of the life they once shared now gone and past christmas holidays long past."

I spoke to my coworker who said it just becomes so stressful with all of the cards and gifts she has to send out for work and then on top of that she has to go shopping for her rather large family. She said with all of the parties she has to help plan that it becomes stressful and hard to enjoy the actual holiday for what it is suppose to be which is a time to rejoice in life and find peace. She complained of all the pressure there is on her to spend a ton of money that she does not even have. She commented that it is also a time when you are obligated to spend time with acquaintances that she would prefer not to.

Another friend of mine who is unemployed and not even receiving unemployment benefits said she is totally oblivious to Christmas this year because she is so stressed with finding a job. She said that December is the least busy for new job orders so it is difficult to find any sort of work at all. She said this year Christmas will be a non event for her because she does not have the money to afford gifts and she is not partaking in any social events that people typically do through work. She said, "December is actually the most difficult month I have had. I have just totally isolated myself from friends and family because I just do not want to bring anyone down during what is suppose to be a festive time. I do not want to play the victim role but it is hard not to. It is like I just got sucked into this big black hole and it is hard to pull myself out of it. I know of course other people out there have it worse but it is like when a car runs over your foot do you really want someone to say well hell at least it did not roll over your leg. The point is regardless of how slight the injury you are still in pain."

So I wondered what we can all do to get ourselves out of this holiday depression if we find ourselves in it? What can we do to get into the real spirit of Christmas and not the commercial aspect of it? These are some of the suggestions that I have polled from friends, relatives and complete strangers:

• Try your best to really live in the moment and enjoy it as best you can. Break free of past regrets that haunt you.
• Do something different, fun and interesting.
• Stay active, work out, go for a long walk or run.
• Set a realistic budget on how much you can spend on gifts.
• Suggest to your family that you all do secret santa this year instead of buying a gift for each family member.
• Only go to the social events that you find worthwhile to participate in.
• Find your own version of how Christmas should be. Start your own Christmas tradition.
• Become involved in giving in a non-monetary way through charities and worthwhile causes that help less fortunate people; (for example you can help serve soup in a homeless shelter; send gifts to children in need; send a note of gratitude to a solider serving overseas who is spending Christmas alone; or spend time at an animal shelter caring for the most loving creatures in the world). That old saying is true, "when you do something kind for others the gesture will last forever but the things we do for ourselves dies along with us." So go out and do something for someone else, it will surely get your mind off of your own problems and depression.
• Be grateful for what you have in your life, rather than focusing on what you don't have.
• If you are alone at Christmastime reach out to a friend, or relative by phone.
• If you know someone that you think may be suffering from holiday depression give them a call or pay them a visit.
• Enjoy this holiday season in your own way and be good to yourself and to others.